Friday, January 16, 2009

Butterfly Effect

I use to have blackouts and faint across the floor, I thought I could forget the past that haunted my mind, but then I found a way to alter events and stop the time, I use to wonder if I would ever see you again, we use to be inseperable and then that came to an end, when we grew up and followed the rules and went to work and went to school, my life was normal, my life was just right, but then of corse there always comes the night, in the night I shook and screamed and my nose bled of empty sneezes, the butterfly effect is a disorder in which use to affect my brain, it use to until the day that it started to return again, and on that day I made a choice to visit my old friends, I asked them if they remembered how I use to black out .
They all turned out far different from my expectations, some that exceeded them and some that just met them, I read the old journals that the doctor told me to write when I was little, to help let go of feelings unknown and desires I couldn't fill, and as I read them slowly my mind reacted with sharp motion, like some magic potion my college bedroom turned into the old basement where we hid in when we were young. Now i wish the reading never begun. Now I wish I could be human, normal, and desent to never hurt you or your world, but I missed my old lover and so I tried to change things. Things I shouldn't have changed, things I wanted to. But in the end I came to find that not everything is right in our states of mind, we can't make dreams come true, either they don't or they do, either they will or they won't. Either my lover and I will be together or the distance that has kept us apart for years will stay in place, and do its absolute best to keep us away from eachother. There are many things I wish to say to you but I don't know how. You don't have to believe me, you just have to save me.
I burned my journals when my blackouts stoped. For the first time in my entire life stuff made sense. I made alot of new friends and stayed in college, and after a couple good years I got a nice job. I was walking on wallstreet the other day looking dapper and not thinking of anything, until in a crowd of hundreds of people on the busy streets of the city, out stood your face, your hair, your smile and you looked so pretty, You turned your cheek and looked strangely at me as though you were about to speak, you stoped walking for a moment, just stood there glancing at me in shook and distortion, and as I was going to yell your name I realized that even if you remebered me I wanted to remember you just the same, just as you were, walking across the street to a destination in which your blissfull, and that is why I turned my head away from your back and kept on walking and called a taxi cab. Its better this way. You should't have ever knew me. But I'm so glad I knew you. I don't believe that anybody understood me the way you did, even if we were just silly kids, with silly problems and silly issues, the best moments of my life were the moments where I would blackout and dream about kissing you. As you kept walking down the street with the fancy heels apon your feet, one question kept crawling in my mind. What did she see as she turned her face and looked at mine?
Its a crazy life we all have, but its only one.

No comments:

Post a Comment